Denny's with Carlo

Carlo: Wanna get pancake puppies?

Me: (Examining the menu trying to figure out what pancake puppies are.)

Carlo: It's like pancakes but in balls.

Me: -__-

---

Carlo: Here, I'm gonna box [this Mac and Cheese Big Daddy Patty Melt] for you.

Me: You don't want it?

Carlo: It's like a heart attack on a plate. I'd rather kill you than me.

Political Science Class Discussion

Professor: Have you ever disliked anyone?
Student: At some point, yes.
Professor: Did you hate this person, or did you strongly dislike them?
Student: I strongly disliked them.
Professor: Was this person a male or female?
Student: It was a male.
Professor: Now, you never wanted to rape his sister and impregnate her? That never crossed your mind?
Student: No, not at all!

The point he was making was that some countries have hated each other so much that they were thinking thoughts like that. And he said he purposely said what he said the way he did so it would sound absurd.

I'm a Racist so Brandon Won't Be My Friend Anymore

One of my former classmates looks Caucasian, but I found out he's a member of the National Association of Black Journalists. I found that amusing and ironic, so I decided to text Brandon about it. Here's how the rest of our text messaging conversation went after I told him:

Brandon: Dude you're a racist. I don't think I should be friends with you anymore
Me: Im sorry i couldn't help it. We're all racist. I thought it was more funny than offensive. My bad.
Brandon: Your despicable display of prejudice has left me no choice but to sever all ties with you. I bid you good day.

:(

"Can a 15 year old get a visectomy?"

One of the more amusing discussions on Yahoo! Answers:

A Note About Bassoons

A very musically inclined friend of mine yesterday said:

"If you play the lowest note on the bassoon, it sounds like a fart."

Drive Slowly for Stupid Dogs

Taken at Chantry Flats, Calif.

Waxies Aren't Hand Dryers

I went to mass today and at the end the priest announced that in the new restroom facilities, for some reason people seemed to be using the toilet seat covers to dry their hands. He said hand dryers are available, and suggested that the congregation use those. He added that tissue paper was found in the trash can. "That's what the toilet is for," he said.

That was an unusual announcement to close the mass with.