Monday, September 6, 2010

Excerpts from "11,002 things to be miserable about"

Belly button lint
Magazine articles that tell you your flaws are beautiful
Premature ejaculation
Accidentally ingesting rat poison
Intentionally ingesting rat poison
Waxing your bikini line
Not waxing your bikini line
Greasy men in overalls
The link between vaccination and autism
The link between nonvaccination and death
People who have more Facebook friends than you
Fucking the police
Fashion shoots where models are dressed like homeless people
People who pay money to defecate on others
Mysterious diseases that baffle doctors and then kill you
Being told to go fuck yourself
People who look happy all the time
Mistaking an orgasm for a seizure
Mistaking a seizure for an orgasm
Dead people who can only be identified by their dental records
Suicidal ignorance
The thousands of Chinese people who lost their homes with no reimbursement so the Chinese government could make way for the Olympics
Buying babies
Not realizing that the smallest details of your life are part of a vast geopolitical chain of death and oppression
Dating an amateur artist who is always asking you to pose nude and then sketching unflattering drawings
Celebrities who discuss their longing for privacy in nationally broadcast interviews


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